sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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