goodnight i made you a song goodbye
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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