There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
