haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I will die if light touches me.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
