i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
