do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
