Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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