Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
