woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
