I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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