I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
