I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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