Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize