Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
