tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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