I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
