I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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