two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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