Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
