Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
