saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
