apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
