I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
