It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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