This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
