what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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