yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you will always have a special place in my vag
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
