why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
