She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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