i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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