week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
