Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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