i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
