So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
