Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
