I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
