Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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