Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
