I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
