she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
