So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I came so hard my ears popped.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
