And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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