11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
