So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
