yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
