i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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