I heard we made out
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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