remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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