i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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