Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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