did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
