were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize