wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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