I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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