I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize