Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
