PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
