There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wish you could order shots online.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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