I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
