She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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