So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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