I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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