You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
