Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
no you cant smoke seaweed
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Can you bring me the toilet please
i need some magic done to my vagina
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
