opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
